Suburban Story Aficionado Gifts

"Never mind the cat! There's a squirrel stuck in a rainspout over on Lang Road!!"

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

Channelling on the Cheap

Vampire on a plane

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

"Birth, bed, bath, beer, bankruptcy, bifocals, balding and beyond."

"Quick! Get your gun, Pa! Here come the suburbs."

'I'm still trying to build up a following here, but I'm huge in Lilliput.'

"Welcome to the neighbourhood. I hope you like savory pies."

'She wasn't a soccer mom after all -- she was a NINJA mom!'

Mega Construction Company: Paving Paradise and Putting Up Parking Lots for Over 50 Years. Deal with it.

Autumn Leaves

"Okay, okay - I'll keep my day job!"

"Same story - boy becomes girl."

John Updike.

"There! I heard it again!"

"I'm thinking about moving out of the suburbs."

'My therapist suggested I redirect my anger into landscaping and gardening!'

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

THE SMITHS/THE JOHNSONS

'The world's first riding lawnmower.'

"The Imaginary Playmate Meets the Invisible Fence"

'Well, that's just great...zombies! There goes the neighbourhood!'

"We see this on occasion. People become self-actualized and empowered and they spontaneously combust."

'And me fresh out of xanax.'

"The house is staged beautifully. The only thing left is to tell Duane to go inside during showings."

(Used to be) END.

"I'm home dear! So what have you been doing today?"

'It's my first dog house with indoor plumbing.'

Titian's Venus of Mamaroneck

"It's not that I love New York. It's just that I hate everyplace else."

Their guests having left, the Millers returned underground.

"Remember, it's bad luck to eat a building that has a 13th floor."

Couple in garden, "Look - Lawrence of suburbia."