Suburban Satire Fan Gifts

Their guests having left, the Millers returned underground.

"He was the perfect neighbor. Very quiet, kept to himself. Dead months before anyone noticed."

Courtyard

"I'm thinking about moving out of the suburbs."

'One day this rich fellow moved in and bought up all the subdivision's garden hoses.'

1989 Map Of Sorghum Corners, Ohio

'Welcome! Highly placed, unidentified administration spokespersons convention.'

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

Suburban street.

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

"I've got to admit I'm not crazy about the freeway."

Straddling bus stop above a regular bus stop.

"Quick! Get your gun, Pa! Here come the suburbs."

Frosty decides to have a carrot job

Autumn Leaves

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

'I finally feel I've got job security.'

Woman on a Pedestal. . . Who Married the Mothers Boy.

'I really think you should check your pools, sir.'

Messing Up My Metrics

'My therapist suggested I redirect my anger into landscaping and gardening!'

'Uh oh. Cougar alert.'

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

The Ancient Enquirer: Woman Turns Into Pillar of Salt!

How come nothing good ever happens to me? Like what? Like getting taken by a foreign government then rescued. I want to get a book contract, to be part of the news cycle, to have him talk about me. Whom? Speak my name, Anderson Cooper! The great one.

Jesus turns water into Vitamin Water.

Suburban blues legends

Statue Selfie

"Aside from the foot, do you think my parking's getting better?"

'I don;t see how that's going to work?'

'I've always been a great fan of yours. I wrote all your books!'

"Goddam Dogs."

"50p or I sing that high bit of Bridge over troubled water"

'Well, that's just great...zombies! There goes the neighbourhood!'

'And me fresh out of xanax.'