Suburban Hero Gifts

Lawrence of Suburbia

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"He loves his leaf blower."

'Mom's baking finally allowed us to diversify and greatly increase our neighborhood market share.'

Channelling on the Cheap

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"The trees are laughing at us."

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

"It may have been just a kick-about in the garden, but Eric took things very seriously."

"When the heck did leaf blowers become grass blowers?!"

"Prepare to meet thy blower."

'She wasn't a soccer mom after all -- she was a NINJA mom!'

"Lemonade" "Vodka"

'Er...any chance that when you've finished with the kids, the cooking and washing up you could help us develop a new waste management recovery system for the borough?'

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'

Keepy-uppy with the Joneses.

"The Imaginary Playmate Meets the Invisible Fence"

'The world's first riding lawnmower.'

'...and this is our noisiest model Sir - just right for waking up the neighbours on a Sunday morning.'

"What are you looking at?"

Country Mouse and City Mouse Meet Suburb Mouse

Poker Moms

'The growing field of lawn enforcement'.

"The house is staged beautifully. The only thing left is to tell Duane to go inside during showings."

"The boondocks R us, I guess."

Mowing the Lawn

"If the Greenlanders don't want to become Americans, Trump can buy our meadow! It's green, too, and we wouldn't have to keep pulling up the weeds!"

Couple in garden, "Look - Lawrence of suburbia."

'So you're the originator of the neighborhood crime watch.'

ahhh...peace and quiet...