Neighborhood Hero Gifts

'Mom's baking finally allowed us to diversify and greatly increase our neighborhood market share.'

'So you're the originator of the neighborhood crime watch.'

Community Policeman

"It was a nice neighborhood until they got into the water-management business."

"At first I wasn't to happy about going out in a one-man patrol car."

'Er...any chance that when you've finished with the kids, the cooking and washing up you could help us develop a new waste management recovery system for the borough?'

Keepy-uppy with the Joneses.

"I wonder if Eminem would like to come and have a go at our neighbours..."

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

Thank you, Essential Workers

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

'I'm afraid the cuts are beginning to bite!'

"My wish is simple—to give something back to the community."

'Henderson always walks away with the neighborhood pumpkin carving contest.'

'He's great, he can even fetch the paper. Off the neighbour's step.'

Wyatt returns home to visit his old small town.

'Do you realize he barked all last night?'

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

"Okay, if it hits the wall it's a triple, and if it goes through Mr. Baker's window, that's a home run."

The Consequences of an Interrupted Shower.

'Our village cricket club' - An umpiring fireman responds to an emergency whilst holding all the cricket team's possessions.

'Honey, it's not the Feds. It's the pseudo-feds.'

'He's so proud - We've got the best collection of weeds in the street!'

Yesterday you lost your sheep and suddenly, today, Mary next door has a little lamb... Pretty big coincidence is all I'm sayin'.

Pop's store's wanted ad: MOM.

"I walk into their yard every few days and knock over their trash. How do you know the Johnsons?"

Interrupted Shower.

'Good morning, Mr. Miller. I'll cut your grass for ten dollars.'

"We find shopping at the farmers' market to be more self-congratulatory."

'Keep yapping: The neighbour is red in the face and ready to explode...'

'Yeah, neighborhood crime. That's what I watch all the time 'cause our TV is broken.'

'Sorry Mr Wolf, but your neighbours have complained again about you 'marking' your territory...'