Substitute Superstar Gifts

Substitute Teachers: 'Ms Henson, you're going in for Ms Bleckmore.'

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'Don't you know who I am?...I've decided to pursue a career as a celebrity, so I'm developing the basic language skills used in the industry.'

"If there is no more American Idol what am I going to do to become famous?"

Open Mike for the spotlight operators

"Remember, junior, in America anyone can aspire to become the most powerful person in government - the special prosecutor!"

Brownie Points

'Your standardized test scores are impressive, but we have no standardized jobs.'

"Howard, you've met my ukulele ladies before."

"I like you kid, but you're really just a work in progress!"

Later accounts would call it the Greatest Water Battle of All Time,

Need money for lessons

'I don't care what your mother always told you. The way to this man's heart isn't through his stomach!'

School children looking at different careers from magazine covers, each involving celebrity status.

Dog gets financial advice.

'Getting old isn't so bad when you consider the only other alternative. . .'

"Hey! Who's this little guy?"

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

'I strongly recommend a surgeon who can putt over one who hits the long drive.'

'Now don't be deceived; I'm making this look very easy.'

I'll trade you a gluten-Free Sandwich for lactose-free milk.

"I'm your doctor, and I'll be here every minute, but while I'm filling out all these forms, Dr.Barlow will do the actual operation."

Can't afford to pay my backup singers.

Elf tries to find quick replacement for Rudolf.

'Listen Jimmy, as a member of the School Swimming Squad, you're not taking your training seriously enough!'

"I just scrubbed."

"I think he is going to bring on the young players."