Silly Substitute Supporter Gifts

Elf tries to find quick replacement for Rudolf.

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

'Don't bite. They're trolling again.'

"I just wish the Earth was as beautiful to live on as it is to look at... It's right behind me, isn't it?"

'Tell your boss we represent an independent watchdog committee.'

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

"Paper or plastic?"

"Well, we can kiss being free-range goodbye."

"Religion, politics, sex...in this part of the world every cartoonist is free to draw whatever he wants!"

"So, colony collapse disorder - how funny is it?"

'Your Majesty, the peasants are out of bread', 'Then let them eat low-carb stuff,'

"Make it look like an accident"

'Actually, we don't like the term 'cannibal', we prefer to be called 'homovores'.'

Man asking what is a stall at the opera

Evolution in the Era of the Selfie

"I'm sorry, sir, but a blade's a blade."

'The gypper was up to his genua in testoons.'

'You're free to go. Another suspect matching the description of having big ears and a trunk has just been arrested for the circus stampede.'

'To hell with the rules.'

"True, I'm from pest control...but we don't eliminate internet trolls."

'I'm being released on Blu-ray.'

Jeb Can Ficks It

EU money addiction

"See, it's right here in the pre-nup, Louise; if you walk out, I get two week severance sex."

Has A Hole In It Venn Diagram

'$600 may be a lot for a pair of boots, but this was the best purchase of my life.'

Beggars' sign - 'Firmly believed my own financial newsletter'.

'This baby has lots of memory.'