Satirical Supporter Gifts

'I was caught jogging past an Olympics sponsor's fat and sugar outlet.'

Jeb Can Ficks It

EU money addiction

"I'm going out to buy toilet rolls. . . I may be some time."

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

'Don't bite. They're trolling again.'

"I just wish the Earth was as beautiful to live on as it is to look at... It's right behind me, isn't it?"

'Tell your boss we represent an independent watchdog committee.'

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

"I'm a common dolphin, I swim the west coast of Scotland foraging for fish and squid."

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

"Paper or plastic?"

"You work for the family business, and I am your father, not the patriarchal oppressor..."

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

'Not only can I not find the middle class tax cut, I can't find the middle class.'

Militant Pacifists

"Cartoonist are harmless? Not at all!! These people have weapons!! Here, see for yourself!"

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

'This is a very dysfunctional company. No one will talk aboaut about the elephant in the boardroom!'

"Alright, fire me. But I'm taking back your "World's Greatest Boss" coffee mug!"

"My parents just raised my home school tuition."

"Well, we can kiss being free-range goodbye."

Multiple personalities with blogs.

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

"It must be near New Year's Day...There are Easter eggs in the shop windows!"

I knew we were in uncharted waters when our chickens started asking questions like these:

"He can't speak to you at the moment - he's bonding with his compensation package."