Silly Swears Supporter Gifts

'Raise your right hand and repeat after me: I do solemnly swear to get a new deodorant...'

Novak Djokovic

'Don't bite. They're trolling again.'

'Tell your boss we represent an independent watchdog committee.'

"I just wish the Earth was as beautiful to live on as it is to look at... It's right behind me, isn't it?"

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

The Family Joules: Part 3

Snails on road - road works 'slow' sign.

Snail Pattern Balding.

'So, that's how squirrels find their buried food?'

Honestly, I don't know why I even bring Harold to parties.

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

"Paper or plastic?"

"Well, we can kiss being free-range goodbye."

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

"Make it look like an accident"

'Your Majesty, the peasants are out of bread', 'Then let them eat low-carb stuff,'

'Snob, he won't eat domestic slugs, just imports.'

'Actually, we don't like the term 'cannibal', we prefer to be called 'homovores'.'

"So, colony collapse disorder - how funny is it?"

"Religion, politics, sex...in this part of the world every cartoonist is free to draw whatever he wants!"

"It's all hypothetical, of course, but how much wood do you think you could chuck?"

Starfish doing the wave.

Man asking what is a stall at the opera

If it's any consolation, you burned the bejeezus out of his finger.

"Oh no, it's the Grim Streaker."

"I'm sorry, sir, but a blade's a blade."

How can you read that comic strip Blondie? Its about a kinder, simpler time. It's about ancient history. They do the same material over and over. Exactly. I can count on it. Not like your stupid Pearls and Get fuzzy. Oooh, look how angry and edgy they are. They're sooo clever! Your whole gig is being angry and edgy. Look, I'm setting Candorville on fire.

Evolution in the Era of the Selfie

'The gypper was up to his genua in testoons.'

'You're free to go. Another suspect matching the description of having big ears and a trunk has just been arrested for the circus stampede.'

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

'To hell with the rules.'

"See, it's right here in the pre-nup, Louise; if you walk out, I get two week severance sex."

'I'm being released on Blu-ray.'