Substitute Gifts

'I'm a substitute but I don't believe Mrs. Carlson lets you watch TV all day.'

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

'You can't blame the kids for being restless when we have math teachers teaching French, and English teachers teaching science.'

'I can watch T.V. shows on the computer, so who needs a TV?'

"Every sixth grade substitute is offered an optional cyanide pill."

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

'I was a substitute teacher. Former students still approach me to thank me for everything I let them get away with.'

'This sugar substitute is perfect except for one thing. It's salty.'

'It actually stands for 'substitute' but it keeps the children in line.'

A dragon relaxing in a chair staring at a taxidermy knight's head above his fireplace.

"Happy Birthday, dear! It's gluten-free, lactose-free and sugar-free."

"A charming risk taker, who's not afraid to get bit. Boy, do I have an opportunity for you."

"Thanks for substituting. I left you some private notes in cursive."

"It's been half an hour. I'm jumping back in."

"Excuse me, but I think you're in my seat."

"Mrs. Martin is here. She's the new substitute teacher."

'Actually, this is my vacation. I'm a substitute teacher.'

'You're a substitute teacher...I'm a substitute student!'

'A substitute teacher on a Friday! What an awesome way to start the weekend!'

"I'm sorry we couldn't give you more time off for the funeral, Sam. You know how hard it is to find a substitute."

The minister's a sub, so we're all going to sing the wrong hymn, pass it on …

The first day of spring has finally arrived! The only think I'll miss about winter is curling up under a warm blanket straight out of the dryer on a frigid night.

Who'll fill in while your English teacher is on maternity leave? Probably and old-bag substitute. Teach English for a couple of months? I'd love to! Umm, nana? Aren't you too old to go back to teaching? Au contraire! They don't want anyone who could possibly get pregnant. Uh-oh. Age discrimination.

Adjunct educator substitute teacher.

Student about substitute teacher that is a sub sandwich: 'We got a good lookin' sub today.'

'That IS the chef's surprise, sir -- the pork chops are really tofu.'

"Remote teaching isn't good for torturing a substitute. For that you need a live audience."

Keep students on their toes...

'I swapped the piano for Stewie's guitar.'

'Hey, I heard we have a sub today!'

Substitute Teacher of the Year Award.

Announcement over school PA: 'We're going to begin this week with an all-school search for Mr. Ridley - last Friday's substitute teacher.'