Substitute Pillows

'I'm a substitute but I don't believe Mrs. Carlson lets you watch TV all day.'

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

'You can't blame the kids for being restless when we have math teachers teaching French, and English teachers teaching science.'

'I can watch T.V. shows on the computer, so who needs a TV?'

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

'I was a substitute teacher. Former students still approach me to thank me for everything I let them get away with.'

"Every sixth grade substitute is offered an optional cyanide pill."

'This sugar substitute is perfect except for one thing. It's salty.'

'It actually stands for 'substitute' but it keeps the children in line.'

"Happy Birthday, dear! It's gluten-free, lactose-free and sugar-free."

"A charming risk taker, who's not afraid to get bit. Boy, do I have an opportunity for you."

A dragon relaxing in a chair staring at a taxidermy knight's head above his fireplace.

"It's been half an hour. I'm jumping back in."

"Thanks for substituting. I left you some private notes in cursive."

"Excuse me, but I think you're in my seat."

"Mrs. Martin is here. She's the new substitute teacher."

'Actually, this is my vacation. I'm a substitute teacher.'

'I swapped the piano for Stewie's guitar.'

'A substitute teacher on a Friday! What an awesome way to start the weekend!'

"Remote teaching isn't good for torturing a substitute. For that you need a live audience."

'You're a substitute teacher...I'm a substitute student!'

"I'm sorry we couldn't give you more time off for the funeral, Sam. You know how hard it is to find a substitute."

Adjunct educator substitute teacher.

Student about substitute teacher that is a sub sandwich: 'We got a good lookin' sub today.'

'That IS the chef's surprise, sir -- the pork chops are really tofu.'

'Hey, I heard we have a sub today!'

Announcement over school PA: 'We're going to begin this week with an all-school search for Mr. Ridley - last Friday's substitute teacher.'

'Remember. . . they can smell fear.'