Instrument Swapper Pillows

'I swapped the piano for Stewie's guitar.'

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

'I'm sorry. I probably should have talked to to you before I took down our wedding photo and put up a picture of my jet.'

No Instruments Please

'I can watch T.V. shows on the computer, so who needs a TV?'

Wha about trying another antivirus?

'This sugar substitute is perfect except for one thing. It's salty.'

A dragon relaxing in a chair staring at a taxidermy knight's head above his fireplace.

'I find the ultrasonic whistle musically limiting, so I've invented an ultrasonic flute...'

The Invention of Bagpipes

My other viola is a Stradivari.

"It ain't pretty. You got a bad flap-valve leak, and your tenor drones are all gunked up. It'll be a week at least, IF I can get the parts. I do got a loaner, but she ain't much."

'I'm coping.'

'Look what the ice cream man gave me for your iPhone!'

Psychiatry. Oops, it 3:17, time for me to switch chairs!

'I think sugar substitutes are fattening. Have you noticed that people who use them are usually overweight?'

'How would you have played that last ball?'

'It was just a fun transplant. You got his heart, he got yours.'

'Please put down that photo of Cindy Crawford, ma'am.'

'I'm doing a 'pet swap'.'

"This is so much better than book club."

'Yes, I sold my soul...but what could I do? They held all the papers!'

"I think the tags got switched on our presents."

"Say - this electronic bourbon isn't bad."

We'll drive to Chicago, change cars, drive to Atlanta, change cars, drive to St. Louis, change cars, then we'll drive to Orlando. Car trips with airline managers.

"She appeared shortly after I replaced the flute with a ukulele."

'Trade you my Clark contract for your Dickenson file.'

Owls whoo work different shifts...'Days!'...'Swings!'...'Nights!'

'How do you like the dog I got for my wife?'

'Hello. I'm Willy. Tommy and I have exchanged homes.'

You wearing one of your sister's dresses again?