Animal Swapper Pillows

'I'm doing a 'pet swap'.'

'I'm sorry. I probably should have talked to to you before I took down our wedding photo and put up a picture of my jet.'

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

'I can watch T.V. shows on the computer, so who needs a TV?'

Wha about trying another antivirus?

"How?"

"I hear that march is coming in like a lineman and out like a lamb...I just wanted to be prepared."

'I'm coping.'

"To be honest, it was a matter of finding something to do after I gave up alcohol."

Avoid Constant Borrowing

'I swapped the piano for Stewie's guitar.'

"I'm ready to switch"

'How would you have played that last ball?'

"This is so much better than book club."

Person shovelling snow remembering the past

"Say - this electronic bourbon isn't bad."

'This time of year it's all that keeps me sane! I keep the magazine in the bathroom and I've about wore the ink off the pages!'

'Would that make you feel better?'

'Trade you my Clark contract for your Dickenson file.'

The doctor and the mechanic barter

"Still stuck in the past there, Jim?"

'Camelot' Hakeem's used camel lot.

'So, you'd like to change your name from John to David?... Okay, that shouldn't be a problem Mr. Plonker.'

'How do you like the dog I got for my wife?'

'It will be a 'staycation' this year. Instead of running with the bulls of Pamplona, we'll be running with the bulls of wall street.'

'Hello. I'm Willy. Tommy and I have exchanged homes.'

You wearing one of your sister's dresses again?