Gift Swapper Pillows

"I think the tags got switched on our presents."

"Legs together, David -- You're hamspreading again."

'I'm sorry. I probably should have talked to to you before I took down our wedding photo and put up a picture of my jet.'

Labrador Non-retriever

'The whole office is slack-jawed and drooling! It's either a zombie invasion or that smooth jazz you play on the intercom.'

Christmas tree exchange

"You know, we've given this same bottle back and forth to each other for so long that it's probably pretty good by now."

December 24th and the December 26th.

"I'm afraid I can't do anything unless you have a receipt."

The key to eliminating work-related clutter and stress: Proper Paperwork Triage!

"You ain't gitting on this train until I git off first."

The final secret-santa gift exchange between the Greeks and the Trojans.

'How would you have played that last ball?'

Mr. Maynard, had you heard that Sean Hannity is coming to the Civic Auditorium? Naturally. I have two tickets to his speech. Would you like to join me? Would you like me to join you? Of course. That's why I asked. Good, then my ticket will be free. Well played, stingy entrepreneur. You're kind to notice.

"This is so much better than book club."

December 26th . . . The Returns

'Please put down that photo of Cindy Crawford, ma'am.'

Santa Claus

'You know I gave up sex and booze. . .it was the toughest ten minutes of my like.'

"Got a book and a dumb tie from Teresa. What'd you get?"

Two Christmas Stockings - One for Presents, One for Receipts

You know you can't return it. Mother had a GPS microchip sewn into the lining.

"You've had enough!"

Artists Christmas Party

'I want to exchange these toys from last year that I never asked for!'

'...and a boiled potato,a pinch of garlic,stirring constantly and then...'

"And your reason for returning the sweater?"

Man returning Christmas tree after Christmas is over.

'Could you please gift wrap my exchange gift?'

Christmas gift exchange - bah humbug

Trump: Burger King

'She'll never know I bought it on Ebay.' 'This is the crap he got me last year that I sold on Ebay.'

'Hello. I'm Willy. Tommy and I have exchanged homes.'

"I'm dying to know who will be my secret Santa this year."

Multiple Amputee Twister