Storytime Escapist Gifts

"Oh, great. The bunny runs away and lives high on the hog on my tax dollars. Next!"

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

"Just let her believe in fairies a little while longer."

"I'm ready for summer vacation! A good book takes you where you've never been!"

Last Chance For Reality

Alice Through the Looking Glass - 'Tickets Please!'

"Fellow graduates, when I look at you, I see future princesses, ninjas, wizards, superheroes, and zombies."

"And what's the story behind the story?"

"Can you read me a bedtime story about ponies, next time?"

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

"Relax, Marge! I'm sure the folks at 'Ultimate Pirate Adventures'. . ."

'You expect me to play with educational toys during SUMMER VACATION?'

" 'And so the crack-whore princess and her pimp lived happily ever after. The end.' O.K., that's it. Lights out."

'You're so sophisticated and witty...and muscular...do you work out? Why, yes, I'd love to come back to your place.'

'To attract the most talented spies we're changing our package . . . to jammie dodgers and a gobstopper.'

'Because he was the one who had to milk her. That's why Jack traded the cow for a handful of beans.'

"This is highly confidential, so, yes, we built a little fort."

Try out this summer's hot novels in a beach setting

"It's a weak pilot, but, if your stick with it, by Season 3 you grow completely numb to the show's quality and just keep hitting Next Episode."

Zoo Employees

"He went that-a-way." (snail escapes).

Houdini 2019

Sleeping Tiger

Man opens front door to find he's up in clouds.

'Freddie, the Little Merger Mogul, didn't expect to have a monopoly right away...'

Worker to Boss: "I'd like to work flexible hours to avoid my children."

Will Make You Sick So You Can Go Home.

Cartoon characters unable to instantly recover from catastrophic injuries support group.

Please read my favourite bedtime story, it always has a sleepy ending.

'... and then Peter was Mr. McGregor...'

'If you keep running away, son, you'll never make it through your formative years.'

Message in a bottle.

"Ancient times? Is that like when my grandmother was young?"

American Idle

"Ain't no drab plumage at closing time."