Storytime Escapologist Gifts

'Terry often loses himself in a good book.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

Little Princess.

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

One of the Three Little Pigs reaches puberty.

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

"I've just about had it with these corporate retreats!"

Alice Through the Looking Glass - 'Tickets Please!'

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

"Fellow graduates, when I look at you, I see future princesses, ninjas, wizards, superheroes, and zombies."

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

'Miss Fenwick - I don't want to see anyone today!'

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

'Don't worry, he'll soon grow into it.'

Sleepy Bunny

"The prince, …. what's his back story?"

'Yeah, year, I get the moral of the story, but what are the legal ramifications?'

"We call it 'learning to read', not 'battling illiteracy'."

"And thirteen innocent logs perished in that fire they used to burn Joan."

"Okay, just one story. Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy who wouldn't go to sleep."

"Again? I read you your Miranda rights last night."