Story Skeptics Gifts

'He wouldn't stop telling me his whole boring life story. I finally had to end it.'

"Enough with the hard-luck stories about spanking and cursive and appointment television, Dad."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

"Well did he?"

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

Look! This says that space aliens have landed and have taken over control of the earth. Boy that's a load off my mind!

'Studies show that most boys my age don't like to read. Who am I to tamper with statistics?'

'....happily ever after...AFTER what?'

"And they lived happily ever-after? Well, maybe you should find out who their financial advisor is."

Filmed in Supermarionation

Fake News for Fake People

"It's actually called 'snow white, the seven dwarfs and the damned biting watchdog.' But of course they don't tell us about that ."

'Where are all these people who lived happily ever after?'

"When I die, I want to come back at anything except a book of short stories."

'Come on, dad...why would anyone follow a witch into a gingerbread house? It clearly wasn't built to code.'

"Please, no more movies about feelings."

"I hope they're not fake commandments!"

'Why don't you change it to sports or cartoons or something? -- You know CNN just depresses you.'

Stupid medicine - Shake Well Before Using.

Male Mid-Life Myth--The Hair Fairy

You've got to stop getting all your history from Youtube and Netflix. Why? Because those are videos. People who make videos are making entertainment. It it's entertaining that means someone's constructed story. If it's a story, that means they left out or twisted whatever doesn't logically fit their narrative as told from one point of view. Accurate history would be completely illogical. Oliver Stone would disagree.

The Early Bird

"I tried to rob a bank and failed! I tried to steal an old ladies bag and failed! So why not use as my defense, the old saying, 'You can't blame a person for trying'?"

Fairy narratives

Foreign Policy Mysteries Revealed!

'Forty years is as much 'Happily Ever After' as I can tolerate.'

'Baldo, being on TV requires talent.'

'I'm looking for the book that tells how to be less materialistic without actually giving up any stuff!'

"You will let me know if I'm boring you with my little stories, won't you dear?"