Narrative Skeptic Gifts

Fairy narratives

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

Grimm's Reality Tales.

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

"Well did he?"

"God works in mysterious ways."

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

Cupid's Valentine

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

'I hate these cliche situations!'

"Frankenstein? Isn't the story of a being made from the parts of others a little far-fetched?" "I find it very believable."

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

'....happily ever after...AFTER what?'

"I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me."

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."

"And you're telling me this because?"

'I don't know, Randy - Marriage is so INTRUSIVE.'

"And that was the news. . . But please feel free to go online and vent your spite, spread your conspiracy theories and promote your ill-informed opinions. . ."

'And don't say you could have done it cheaper and better at home.'

"It's actually called 'snow white, the seven dwarfs and the damned biting watchdog.' But of course they don't tell us about that ."

"And they lived happily ever-after? Well, maybe you should find out who their financial advisor is."

'I've got SO much on my plate right now, Steve - Ask me again when I'm fifty.'

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

"It would never work out- we're from two totally different tiers of the upper middle class."

"He's falsified data, he's falsified results...and now he says he loves me."

"Not on my watch..."

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."