Narrative Skeptic Gifts

Fairy narratives

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

Grimm's Reality Tales.

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

"God works in mysterious ways."

"Well did he?"

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"Frankenstein? Isn't the story of a being made from the parts of others a little far-fetched?" "I find it very believable."

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

Cupid's Valentine

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

'I hate these cliche situations!'

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

'....happily ever after...AFTER what?'

"I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me."

"And they lived happily ever-after? Well, maybe you should find out who their financial advisor is."

'I've got SO much on my plate right now, Steve - Ask me again when I'm fifty.'

"And you're telling me this because?"

"And that was the news. . . But please feel free to go online and vent your spite, spread your conspiracy theories and promote your ill-informed opinions. . ."

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

"He's falsified data, he's falsified results...and now he says he loves me."

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."

'And don't say you could have done it cheaper and better at home.'

"It would never work out- we're from two totally different tiers of the upper middle class."

'I don't know, Randy - Marriage is so INTRUSIVE.'

"It's actually called 'snow white, the seven dwarfs and the damned biting watchdog.' But of course they don't tell us about that ."

"Not on my watch..."