Storyline Skeptic Gifts

You've got to stop getting all your history from Youtube and Netflix. Why? Because those are videos. People who make videos are making entertainment. It it's entertaining that means someone's constructed story. If it's a story, that means they left out or twisted whatever doesn't logically fit their narrative as told from one point of view. Accurate history would be completely illogical. Oliver Stone would disagree.

"I'm not so ready for interactive television."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

'Sue didn't watch soap operas all the time. She also reads books'

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

"Well did he?"

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

'Typical man...too stubborn to stop and ask for directions.'

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

'....happily ever after...AFTER what?'

"It's actually called 'snow white, the seven dwarfs and the damned biting watchdog.' But of course they don't tell us about that ."

"And they lived happily ever-after? Well, maybe you should find out who their financial advisor is."

*Sigh*

"Social service teams are claiming that they can't recruit workers because of the vicious, biased reports we write about them!"

'Where are all these people who lived happily ever after?'

"When I die, I want to come back at anything except a book of short stories."

'And do you, Cathie, promise to advance Ed's narrative?'

'This is where it gets tricky. I see 3 alternate endings and a director's cut.'

"Enough with the hard-luck stories about spanking and cursive and appointment television, Dad."

Fairy narratives

"You will let me know if I'm boring you with my little stories, won't you dear?"

"Is there no escape from escapism?"

Man reading a giant book.

'HOLD ON! You're telling me that out of the whole population, in an entire kingdom, this glass slipper fitted just ONE person?!'

"I don't like hearing happy stories."

'I know when I'm being worked in during a commercial.'

"Well, you call them fairy tales, I call them fake news."

'That 'Jonah' story sounded FISHY to me!'

Did we end last week with an awesome, startling cliffhanger, or what? I mean, there you dear reader were, thinking what incredible revelation is forthcoming? How could you hint that Sadie Cohen, resident irascible octogenarian, has a dark secret, and then just break for the weekend? And yet … despite the fact that we esteemed and handsome cartoonists taunted you with such a remarkable tease, such a breakthrough narrative moment, we have not been inundated with cards and letters begging for the t

"Forget the glass slipper thing. I've just installed the Tinderella app."

"It's a sort of 'popular-attractive-kid-from-well-to-do-stable-family-succeeds-against-all-odds' story."

Man cold medicine.

"Sorry mum, but you lost me after 'Once Upon a Time.'"