Storytime Skeptic Gifts

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

'Where are all these people who lived happily ever after?'

'I know when I'm being worked in during a commercial.'

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

"How would I know if Old Mother Hubbard contributed to her 401K."

"Sorry mum, but you lost me after 'Once Upon a Time.'"

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

The Poky Little Pupa.

Little Princess.

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Go figure: nobody wanted to kiss me when I was an ugly prince, but now, somehow, pretty girls are lining up!"

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

'Come on, girl! I know you can do it! Jump over the moon!'

'We're out of water, Jack. Time to go back up the hill to fetch a pail.'

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

"Well did he?"

'I wonder how Curious George fits into all this?'

'Mary had a little lamb - with mint jelly.'

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

Bedtime in Ancient Greece

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'