Storytime Skeptics Gifts

'Must you end every bedtiime story with 'and then they were blown up by terrorists'?!'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

The Poky Little Pupa.

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

Little Princess.

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

"What you find 'boring' spies from all over the world would find extremely interesting."

'Bedtime stories at the Browns'.'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

'Don't worry, he'll soon grow into it.'

"Again? I read you your Miranda rights last night."

'Yeah, year, I get the moral of the story, but what are the legal ramifications?'

"And thirteen innocent logs perished in that fire they used to burn Joan."

Sleepy Bunny

"The prince, …. what's his back story?"

"Here’s a book with a pretty peacock on the cover. Let’s try this Flannery O’Connor story before bed."

"We call it 'learning to read', not 'battling illiteracy'."

"Okay, just one story. Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy who wouldn't go to sleep."