Storyline Strategist Gifts

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

God's editor prepares for a tough convo

'Due to scheduling conflicts, the Today show will be seen tomorrow....'

A Hole in the Dike

"I AM at my usual position."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'OK, everybody, calm down,,,'

'Charlotte's Website' ('The children's book classic rewritten for the electronic era!')

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

Internet Cafe.

'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

You read me a story about a workaholic little engine, and you expect it to make me sleepy?

Punishment for the kicker.

'What makes you think we want to sell you son.'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

"Gosh, this reminds me of one of my favorite John Lennon lyrics: "Life is what happens to you while you're making other quarterly sales plans."

Footballers - Kevin Keagan

"At last they paid off their sub-prime fairy-tale and lived happily ever after."

"And after the prime rate declined by half a point, the Dow rose by thirty-two, guess what happened to Goose and Fox?"

"Our market research predicts this product mascot will be irresistible to both men and women..."

If John Lennon had gone into strategic management.

'Why do I always have to be the one to connect the dots for you people?'

"I know I'm huffing and puffing, but I don't have a temperature. You're safe. Now, let me in."

Videographer. Zoom in. Zoom out.

"No offense Dad, but is this available on DVD?"

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

'I don't want to mention any names, but one of you isn't giving 100% out there.'

"My name is Phil, and I, too, am..."

"Quick, Bartlett! Instill them with hope!"

You've got to stop getting all your history from Youtube and Netflix. Why? Because those are videos. People who make videos are making entertainment. It it's entertaining that means someone's constructed story. If it's a story, that means they left out or twisted whatever doesn't logically fit their narrative as told from one point of view. Accurate history would be completely illogical. Oliver Stone would disagree.

I wrote a poem about our failure to capture and secure the highway. It's called "The Road Not taken."

'I'm proud of the lads. They show'd a lot of character coming back from one down. . . then two or three silly goals. . . At this level you get punished. But overall I thought we were a bit unlucky. . .'