Story Time Strategist Gifts

"Because it'll put you to sleep. That's why I'm reading you the third quarter report."

A Hole in the Dike

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'Charlotte's Website' ('The children's book classic rewritten for the electronic era!')

Church Library - Pop-Up Books

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

'A is for Arse.'

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

"I don't see how pulling out a piece of fruit from a pie necessarily validates Jack Horner's self-worth."

"I got my emotional baggage down to a little carry-on."

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

"Can you read me a bedtime story about ponies, next time?"

"At last they paid off their sub-prime fairy-tale and lived happily ever after."

"And after the prime rate declined by half a point, the Dow rose by thirty-two, guess what happened to Goose and Fox?"

"Our market research predicts this product mascot will be irresistible to both men and women..."

'Because he was the one who had to milk her. That's why Jack traded the cow for a handful of beans.'

'Why do I always have to be the one to connect the dots for you people?'

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

"No offense Dad, but is this available on DVD?"

Outer Cuteness vs. Inner Cuteness

Woman in booksotre looking at books labeled 'Highly Graphic Novels.' Covers of books show various charts, graphs, spreadsheets.

'Freddie, the Little Merger Mogul, didn't expect to have a monopoly right away...'

"...and although the tortoise was severely speed-challenged, he achieved his sales quota through a strict goal-specific program."

"...and then the heroic young investor managed to capture the evil high interest rate monster and wrestled him down until he was a mere 5.25%!"

'But then after chopping down the beanstalk, Jack's legal nightmare began...'

"Spoiler alert – it's gonna end like it did the other 117 times."

"I marked the sections where your total contempt for humanity loses its pathos."