Strategic Storyteller Gifts

'Company wargames weekend 1986.'

If John Lennon had gone into strategic management.

"Gosh, this reminds me of one of my favorite John Lennon lyrics: "Life is what happens to you while you're making other quarterly sales plans."

"We should be growing in leaps and bounds with all the fertilizer that flies around in our sales meetings."

"Our market research predicts this product mascot will be irresistible to both men and women..."

A Hole in the Dike

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

"He'll never win this negotiation. He's saddled with numbers...but we have anecdotes."

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

'How about having at least one character who's alive and wearing clothes?'

'It was a dark and stormy night. Also, there was a Catch-22.'

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

Of course, we have to begin with certain assumptions. Let's assume I'm right and you're wrong.

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

Wall of Office Memories

"A homeless person ate my homework."

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."

"Start with a Spanish doubloon. Those are always good."

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

"I called for you creative people because I feel it's time to begin my autobiography."

"Hang on! - we've possibly go another couple of films left in here!!"

You read me a story about a workaholic little engine, and you expect it to make me sleepy?

Mother changing the words to 'this little piggy' to be more healthy

"Whoops - I Accidentally Pressed 'Elevator Pitch.'"