Corporate Storyteller Gifts

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

Of course, we have to begin with certain assumptions. Let's assume I'm right and you're wrong.

"...There can be no exceptions to mandatory retirement..."

"Which swoosh best describes our corporate philosophy?"

'And all the executive board members got lovely big payouts and lived happily ever after!'

'My office is always open to you Charles, at least until maintenance repairs the door lock.'

'Instead of a bedtime story, I'm going to read you my company's report for the third quarter.'

'It's good to be back, Ms. Norton.. did anything important happen while I was away?'

Board Room.

This is my son, Nigel. He'll be taking credit for all of your work.

Confident Business Team - We Know We Can

"I'm sorry, Morrison, a rise is out of the question but I will give you time to say goodbye to everyone."

"No! Now, what was the question?"

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

"This is the deluxe edition Annual Report Director's Cut with restored graphs and alternative endings."

"After you hear my spin it won't seem nearly as bad!"

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"Did I say 'Yada Yada Yada?' My mistake! This is the 'Badda-Bing, Badda-Boom' portion of my presentation!"

"The business plan is now a 12000 page epic novel."

When Sales and Marketing Do Not Communicate

'It's is the feeling of this board that you are overdoing the 'lead by example' thing.'

'To put a different slant on it, I'm promoting my son here over you all because water is thinner than blood.'

"Since your beloved family company is now mine...."

"Don't start blubbing - they could stampede."

'We had to talk pretty fast to get him to come out of retirement.'

'I did tell the press there would be a photo opportunity, but no one came.'

'How fast can you hype?'

6 Brothers Falafel

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"We need to think outside the pentangle."

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'