Corporate Storytelling Fan Gifts

Robert Macaire having lost his company's money

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

Nothing Succeeds Like Confidence.

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"At this office no two days are different."

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"We have an acronym!"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

Parade of Businessmen

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"Security? There's a goddam tree in my office."

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

Let's Celebrate

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."