Corporate Culture Fans Gifts

'Our product development department thinks this will help the board better identify with our product users.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

Nothing Succeeds Like Confidence.

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"At this office no two days are different."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

"We have an acronym!"

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

Parade of Businessmen

"Security? There's a goddam tree in my office."

"Do you have a minute, Bob? I'd like to speak with you about the concept of 'leadership'."

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

Let's Celebrate

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"I think you might need to start again."

'Go to work, do your job, go home. . . Penburtson, that is the American Dream!'

"The scowl might just be what this place needs."

"I think we should try something a little simpler."

Now that I finally have an expense account, there's no time to eat.

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'