Corporate Culture Fans Gifts

'Our product development department thinks this will help the board better identify with our product users.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

Nothing Succeeds Like Confidence.

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"We have an acronym!"

"At this office no two days are different."

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

Parade of Businessmen

"Security? There's a goddam tree in my office."

Let's Celebrate

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

"Do you have a minute, Bob? I'd like to speak with you about the concept of 'leadership'."

"I think you might need to start again."

'Go to work, do your job, go home. . . Penburtson, that is the American Dream!'

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

"I think we should try something a little simpler."

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

"The scowl might just be what this place needs."

Now that I finally have an expense account, there's no time to eat.

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."