Corporate Culture Aficionado Gifts

"Before we begin this family meeting, how about we go around and say our names and a little something about ourselves."

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

'Someday this will all be done by consultants.'

I don't know what it is but I just think the chap in the middle would fit into the firm REALLY well.

"When I agreed to the merger Thompson, I never expected THIS!"

'Sometimes I feel the company would collapse if we weren't here.'

"...and Johnson here is a lawyer and an accountant - sort of a corporate spork."

"We've always had an open door AND an open window policy."

'As part of our initiative to promote positivity at work, this is the proposed new mission statement.'

"Wait -- I have an app that creates a napkin to write the contract terms on."

Traffic Lights Read 'Buy/Sell'.

'Most of my clients are shareholders, managers and sales executives.'

"You're a shark! You're a killer! Nothing can stop you! Now get back in that boardroom and apologize."

'You're all voting against me? Is this a coo?'

Schmoozing 101

'You don't agree with me? No problem. You're not the first one, if you understand what I mean...'

"As an asset to this company I'd rank you right up there with our mimeograph machine."

"A lot of our valued colleagues have pet names, Harold is the 'miserable bastard'."

"He's not a big fan of micromanaging."

"In this company we have three unwritten rules."

"Be careful of what you say. The CEO is listening in."

The National Fertilizer Co.

"It upsets me when they use words like 'disembowel' in our budget meetings."

"I'm not called the Grim Reaper now - I'm an 'After-life Care Facilitator. . .'"

'I love my personal assistant.'

"That's when we put those expensive organic snacks in the vending machines."

Man at work surrounded by office desks

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

'I'll have what's left of my people get in touch with what's left of your people to set up a meeting on a merger.'

'He's tough - he's not giving an inch.'

'You're about to see some really tight security here.'

'What does everyone else think of the proposal?'

Financial Corp. Inc.

"...abandoned as a cub, brought up by a couple of stockbrokers in Surbiton."

'Get those joints rolled, Ms. Hensley, there's a mob on the way!'