Corporate Drama Fan Gifts

Rex Tillerson Slinks Home After His Wild Affair Inevitably Crashes and Burns

'I'd like to request that you hold off on that third car and fourth vacation home until our bailout is finalized.'

Dirty Deeds

"Have you met my rival Grunzberger? He has taken my wife, my house and my car, but I'll make him sorry if he tries to steal my customers!"

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

Let's Celebrate

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

'Did you get the hard copy from Mr. Dawson?'

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"And I suppose you expect me to pick that up?"

"You need to stop taking your work home with you. Take mine instead."

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

'When I said you could name your salary, I meant you could give it a name.'

'To cut back on traveling expenses, we're going to start sending you out as an e-mail attachment.'

"I've decided to add a little magic, so, everyone, say hello to my little friend."

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

Take me to your market leader.'