Corporate Thriller Fan Gifts

"You would get a job as a bookkeeper, soon quit and change jobs again and again. Now you are charged with being a serial embezzler."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

Let's Celebrate

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

'Did you get the hard copy from Mr. Dawson?'

"And I suppose you expect me to pick that up?"

'To cut back on traveling expenses, we're going to start sending you out as an e-mail attachment.'

"You need to stop taking your work home with you. Take mine instead."

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

'When I said you could name your salary, I meant you could give it a name.'

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

"He treated associates like he treated his plants."

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

'He insists on being a part of the corporate pipeline.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

"One question, what's a share option?"

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"