Corporate Crime Aficionados Gifts

"As your cell bitch, I imagine my Sarbanes-Oxley expertise should come in quite handy."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

'Henderson makes money the old fashioned way - White collar crime.'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

Greed.

"You're a shark! You're a killer! Nothing can stop you! Now get back in that boardroom and apologize."

"Wait -- I have an app that creates a napkin to write the contract terms on."

"He's not a big fan of micromanaging."

"Money is life's report card."

"I'm sorry, but Fred isn't available. He's spending a few days in the penalty box for not being a good team player. May I help you?"

"This report says a happy workforce is a productive workforce, but I need more proof before I go changing everything around."

'Look at him with another business model on his arm.'

After the Nordstrom-Nordstream Merger

"Can you believe those guys? We tell them absolutely, positively no further negotiations, and they stop negotiating!"

'Most of my clients are shareholders, managers and sales executives.'

'Don't hesitate to critize me, Herb, whenever I think I am wrong.'

"As an expert in loyalty, Fido will create an emotional bond with each customer."

"Let's touch base again at three."

"It's a letter from my boss. He says he's not paying me for the time I've been stranded on this island."

"You know what I miss? Meetings."

"The robber was about 5' 11"...."

'Just wanted to step in say: we have a great consulting firm on this floor.'

"Most of us only come in two days a week now."

"That's when we put those expensive organic snacks in the vending machines."

'How's the meeting going, Ed?'

"Have you ever heard about deferred prosecution agreements, Mommie?"

'Emotional blackmail.'

'-and just where does it say 'Think BIG' Wilson?'

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

"I'll be at lunch. No one thinks outside the box till I'm back."