Office Drama Fan Gifts

"...type yourself a letter of apology for what I did at the office party last night."

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

"Run for it, sir—the cops!"

Laurel, it's Rudy. Are you busy? It's noon. I'm at work -- teaching. Of course. I'm sorry to bother you. By the way, Armstrong cut back my hours, Computer Villa has banished me, I'm bored and broke and I'm a loser. Talk to you later. Oh give me a break.

'Unless you need more time to rake her over the coals, the third member of your party is here to join you.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"If I made as much as him, I could retire in a couple of days"

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"I've decided to add a little magic, so, everyone, say hello to my little friend."

"Benign so far."

'I didn't realize we'd employed a cyber bully in you, Miss Tweedy.'

"It's a wonderful partner's desk-but we think they didn't get along."

The token incompetent: "Hey - don't ask me."

'With the firm growing at the speed it has there are bound to be a few problems...'

"Anyone else see weaknesses in my report?"

You have a major fiasco at 10:30, followed by a shocking scandal at 2:15.

'As we all know, the appearance of honesty is the best policy....'

'I'll be a little late with those reports, sir -- my desk organizer crashed.'

Have you ever read Dickens, minion? No. Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. How about Upton Sinclair? John Steinbeck? Who? … Marx? Mark's what? Thank you for reminding me why I hired you, minion. Can I take my weekly lunch break today instead of Friday?

'You seem young, Perkins. Why, I bet I was incarcerated before you were even born.'

"Geoffrey always was a bit of a loose cannon.."

"Hate to see you leave—you were my favorite puppet."

Unfortunately, Lyle had already sent nasty e-mails to his boss, three vice-presidents and the CEO.

"He was much more effective in the field."

'I take it you're looking to some extra hours!'

"Bentley, I don't care if you are my heir apparent. Stop peeking in here fifty times a day!"

"It's the never-ending struggle between the State Department and the Department of Defense."

"You're not the 'Yes Man' you used to be, Smilby."

"First of all, kudos on landing a corner office."

"Can money buy happiness? Certainly not the amount I'm paying you."

"I'll be with you people in a minute."

Boss, what if I told you I forgot to lock up last night and someone totally robbed us blind? I'd say "no problem," because of your contract. My contract? It allows me to auction off your less vital internal organs to recover any damages you cause me. You really should read the fine print before you sign the papers, minion. I did. But I wrote in finer print that all fine print is null and void. Only the ruling class can use fine print, minion.