Office Drama Aficionado Gifts

'OK, I want this inter-departmental squabbling to stop, and I want it to stop NOW!'

Unfortunately, Lyle had already sent nasty e-mails to his boss, three vice-presidents and the CEO.

"The good news is I have an alibi."

'Okay, so we relocated the office with no warning, kept you waiting 2 hours and screwed up your bill. Now let's discuss your high blood pressure.'

"What happened is between you and me. Quit taking it out on the patients."

'The story you are about to hear is true, only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

Downsizing

"Anyone else see weaknesses in my report?"

"I'm pleased to inform you that you have won our employee of the month award, Miss North. What evening will you be free this week?"

"Bad news. I've been fired! I was mouthing silent obscenities at the boss and forgot we don't wear masks at work anymore."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"If I made as much as him, I could retire in a couple of days"

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"

The token incompetent: "Hey - don't ask me."

'I didn't realize we'd employed a cyber bully in you, Miss Tweedy.'

"It's a wonderful partner's desk-but we think they didn't get along."

You have a major fiasco at 10:30, followed by a shocking scandal at 2:15.

"Geoffrey always was a bit of a loose cannon.."

"Hate to see you leave—you were my favorite puppet."

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

Boss, what if I told you I forgot to lock up last night and someone totally robbed us blind? I'd say "no problem," because of your contract. My contract? It allows me to auction off your less vital internal organs to recover any damages you cause me. You really should read the fine print before you sign the papers, minion. I did. But I wrote in finer print that all fine print is null and void. Only the ruling class can use fine print, minion.

"It's the never-ending struggle between the State Department and the Department of Defense."

"Bentley, I don't care if you are my heir apparent. Stop peeking in here fifty times a day!"

"You're not the 'Yes Man' you used to be, Smilby."

Worldwide Global Conglomerate, Takeover Division: 'FRIENDLY',,,'HOSTILE',

'I wish you would come to me first with your grievances, instead of going directly to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights.'

'Pay no attention to him. He's just a disgruntled former employee.'

"...type yourself a letter of apology for what I did at the office party last night."

See? This is precisely why we don't encourage office romances.

'Hoskins, I'd like to congratulate you on your leadership initiative... and if I didn't feel threatened, I'd keep you on.'