Workplace Drama Aficionado Gifts

"Well, enough of the coy sexual byplay Bobby. I've got to dive back into the data stream."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"If I made as much as him, I could retire in a couple of days"

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"

"Anyone else see weaknesses in my report?"

The token incompetent: "Hey - don't ask me."

"It's a wonderful partner's desk-but we think they didn't get along."

'I didn't realize we'd employed a cyber bully in you, Miss Tweedy.'

You have a major fiasco at 10:30, followed by a shocking scandal at 2:15.

"Geoffrey always was a bit of a loose cannon.."

"Hate to see you leave—you were my favorite puppet."

Unfortunately, Lyle had already sent nasty e-mails to his boss, three vice-presidents and the CEO.

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

"After being shorted on his bonus, Earl the maintenance man decided to remove all the toilet paper from the executive washrooms."

"It's the never-ending struggle between the State Department and the Department of Defense."

Boss, what if I told you I forgot to lock up last night and someone totally robbed us blind? I'd say "no problem," because of your contract. My contract? It allows me to auction off your less vital internal organs to recover any damages you cause me. You really should read the fine print before you sign the papers, minion. I did. But I wrote in finer print that all fine print is null and void. Only the ruling class can use fine print, minion.

"Bentley, I don't care if you are my heir apparent. Stop peeking in here fifty times a day!"

Worldwide Global Conglomerate, Takeover Division: 'FRIENDLY',,,'HOSTILE',

'I wish you would come to me first with your grievances, instead of going directly to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights.'

'Pay no attention to him. He's just a disgruntled former employee.'

"...type yourself a letter of apology for what I did at the office party last night."

See? This is precisely why we don't encourage office romances.

'Hoskins, I'd like to congratulate you on your leadership initiative... and if I didn't feel threatened, I'd keep you on.'

You want to watch it here, a lot of back-stabbing goes on.

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm very disappointed in the severance package."

"Bad news. I've been fired! I was mouthing silent obscenities at the boss and forgot we don't wear masks at work anymore."

'... and sign it 'shovingly up yours'.'

Inbox, Outbox, and Down & Out Box.

The Last Husband and Wife Team Hired

'The staff is getting slack Simkins - mention the word 'redundancy'.'

'Just for the minutes did anyone manage to catch the chairman's parting words?'

'What makes you think our office is bugged?'

'Oh, please! Not another of your 'my colleagues hate me' stories! I'm sure it's all in your head!'