Office Drama Lover Gifts

'I wish you would come to me first with your grievances, instead of going directly to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights.'

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm very disappointed in the severance package."

"So, it's unanimous."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"If I made as much as him, I could retire in a couple of days"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"

'What can I do to create a climate where things get done?'

'I didn't realize we'd employed a cyber bully in you, Miss Tweedy.'

The token incompetent: "Hey - don't ask me."

"Anyone else see weaknesses in my report?"

"It's a wonderful partner's desk-but we think they didn't get along."

You have a major fiasco at 10:30, followed by a shocking scandal at 2:15.

'I'll be a little late with those reports, sir -- my desk organizer crashed.'

"Geoffrey always was a bit of a loose cannon.."

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

"Hate to see you leave—you were my favorite puppet."

Unfortunately, Lyle had already sent nasty e-mails to his boss, three vice-presidents and the CEO.

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

"Bentley, I don't care if you are my heir apparent. Stop peeking in here fifty times a day!"

Boss, what if I told you I forgot to lock up last night and someone totally robbed us blind? I'd say "no problem," because of your contract. My contract? It allows me to auction off your less vital internal organs to recover any damages you cause me. You really should read the fine print before you sign the papers, minion. I did. But I wrote in finer print that all fine print is null and void. Only the ruling class can use fine print, minion.

Worldwide Global Conglomerate, Takeover Division: 'FRIENDLY',,,'HOSTILE',

Frank abuses the Power of Attorney.

"You're not the 'Yes Man' you used to be, Smilby."

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

"Go on in—he's expecting you."

"It's the never-ending struggle between the State Department and the Department of Defense."

'Accounting has suggested we standardize our billing procedure.'

'Pay no attention to him. He's just a disgruntled former employee.'

"...type yourself a letter of apology for what I did at the office party last night."

See? This is precisely why we don't encourage office romances.

'Hoskins, I'd like to congratulate you on your leadership initiative... and if I didn't feel threatened, I'd keep you on.'