Corporate World Fan Gifts

'I would prefer to just look at your resume.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

Spot the difference.

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

Nothing Succeeds Like Confidence.

The MBA Draft

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

"I hate performance review season."

'He had a meteoric rise to the top.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

The Evolution of the Bonus

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"At this office no two days are different."

CEO du Jour

"We have an acronym!"

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

Parade of Businessmen

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

"Security? There's a goddam tree in my office."

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."