Corporate World Fan Pillows

'I would prefer to just look at your resume.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

Spot the difference.

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

The MBA Draft

Nothing Succeeds Like Confidence.

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

"I hate performance review season."

'He had a meteoric rise to the top.'

CEO du Jour

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"At this office no two days are different."

"We have an acronym!"

The Evolution of the Bonus

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

Parade of Businessmen

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

"Security? There's a goddam tree in my office."

"Today we are going to find out if you can that leap."

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

Let's Celebrate

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."