Company Storyteller Gifts

"Of course it's not my son. My son is a nitwit. That's me, thirty years ago."

'How fast can you hype?'

6 Brothers Falafel

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

'It's a novel based on a movie adapted from a magazine article that was inspired by a video game.'

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

"He'll never win this negotiation. He's saddled with numbers...but we have anecdotes."

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

'It was a dark and stormy night. Also, there was a Catch-22.'

'How about having at least one character who's alive and wearing clothes?'

'The kids want a new motto: instead of 'slow but sure' they've come up with 'fast and funky'.'

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

Of course, we have to begin with certain assumptions. Let's assume I'm right and you're wrong.

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"A homeless person ate my homework."

Mother Goose Spoilers

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."

"I called for you creative people because I feel it's time to begin my autobiography."

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

"Start with a Spanish doubloon. Those are always good."

Mother changing the words to 'this little piggy' to be more healthy

"Hang on! - we've possibly go another couple of films left in here!!"

Wall of Office Memories

"Whoops - I Accidentally Pressed 'Elevator Pitch.'"

'My office is always open to you Charles, at least until maintenance repairs the door lock.'

'With the economy the way it is, there's no silver lining. In fact we sold that last week!'

'And along with your promotion you get a key to the executive bedroom.'

'Who else have I written for? Ridge Park Avenue, 7th Street, Elm Road, Thornwood Drive...'