Company Storyteller Gifts

"Of course it's not my son. My son is a nitwit. That's me, thirty years ago."

'How fast can you hype?'

6 Brothers Falafel

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

'It's a novel based on a movie adapted from a magazine article that was inspired by a video game.'

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

"He'll never win this negotiation. He's saddled with numbers...but we have anecdotes."

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

'It was a dark and stormy night. Also, there was a Catch-22.'

'The kids want a new motto: instead of 'slow but sure' they've come up with 'fast and funky'.'

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

Of course, we have to begin with certain assumptions. Let's assume I'm right and you're wrong.

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"Start with a Spanish doubloon. Those are always good."

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."

"I called for you creative people because I feel it's time to begin my autobiography."

"A homeless person ate my homework."

Wall of Office Memories

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

Mother Goose Spoilers

Mother changing the words to 'this little piggy' to be more healthy

"Whoops - I Accidentally Pressed 'Elevator Pitch.'"

'My office is always open to you Charles, at least until maintenance repairs the door lock.'

'With the economy the way it is, there's no silver lining. In fact we sold that last week!'

'And along with your promotion you get a key to the executive bedroom.'

Confident Business Team - We Know We Can

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"