Brand Storyteller Gifts

'The kids want a new motto: instead of 'slow but sure' they've come up with 'fast and funky'.'

Uncle Ben's Blog.

'How fast can you hype?'

"Actually J.B., it's just the box that's new!"

Royster & Son (the competent one, not Toby))

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

6 Brothers Falafel

'As our new company logo, I'm not quite sure it's sending out the right message.'

Burger Queen: The Patriarchy is Dead.

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

'We've re-branded.'

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"I believe it took a team of twenty five, working six months at a cost of �250, 000 to come up with that."

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

'It's perfect, but can we see it in white?'

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

"Earth – Love the brand, hate the owners."

Standard Life Aberdeen Rebrand

CASA DE JOY PREMIUM TEQUILA STONE BISSETT DISTILLERY CONT. NET.1000 ML 40% ALC Vol.

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

"He'll never win this negotiation. He's saddled with numbers...but we have anecdotes."

'It was a dark and stormy night. Also, there was a Catch-22.'

'How about having at least one character who's alive and wearing clothes?'

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

At the printers - "Business is booming I need 6 more business cards, ASAP."

Of course, we have to begin with certain assumptions. Let's assume I'm right and you're wrong.