Bedtime Story Strategist Gifts

"Mom, could you leave the door open, keep the hallway light on and lose the boyfriend?"

Late night teddy reading

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

'She's just great with the children.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"I'll be a little late. I'm working a double shift."

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"Oh, Aunt Em, it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you ... and you were there. But not that man with the straitjacket."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"When Mom reads that story, the dragon comes off as a much more sympathetic character."

"Name your sources."

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."