Bedtime Storytelling Gifts

'Couldn't Jack Spratt eat polyunsaturated fat?'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Late night teddy reading

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'She's just great with the children.'

'At lone at last.'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"Mmmm! Bears hibernate in the winter. Cats can hibernate anytime we want!"

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"Oh, Aunt Em, it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you ... and you were there. But not that man with the straitjacket."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

"Dad, can we have a bedtime narrative?"

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"I'll get up in negative five minutes."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

'Don't touch that tooth, dad. I'm expecting the tooth fairy at any moment.'

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."