Bedtime Stories Gifts

'...and then the DOW rallied six hundred points and the three bears felt like idiots...'

"Shouldn't Willis be in the bed and his imaginary monster under it?"

"I want a story that won't challenge my worldview ."

Monster fixing boy's car bed.

"That's my favorite story. But tonight I'd like to hear both sides."

'And after I've tucked you in, I'll read you a nice bedtime story.'

Mother reading 'the ugly duckling' to child, who asks 'What about botox?'

"The Three Wise Men followed a star...wasn't their GPS working?"

"I like 'Cinderella' - it's just that I feel the characters of the stepsisters are underwritten."

An woman made from an optical illusion uses her fingers to create another optical illusion on a wall for a child,

"I don't see how pulling out a piece of fruit from a pie necessarily validates Jack Horner's self-worth."

'And that's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, according to the Brothers Grimm.'

'Look - when I read you a fairy tale, don't keep saying 'Really?' '

'Is your cap on tight? We don't want any more accidents in the bed, do we?'

"Teddy can't sleep. He doesn't have any eyelids."

'Don't touch that tooth, dad. I'm expecting the tooth fairy at any moment.'

'Do you have bottled spring water?'

Pay attention Mom. You're making the wolf and three little pigs sound the same.

'Well, of course you don't have to be afraid of the dark, silly...just the things lurking in it!'

'All right. I'll get forty winks, but not one wink more.'

"There's no way we can get him ow. He's completely under the covers."

"Anything?"

"When Rapunzel let down her hair, did she look ten years younger."

"The Ugly Duckling didn't know why he was so attracted to swan culture."

"We are in the bear's house. Goldilocks has just eaten a bowl of porridge. Papa Bear enters."

"I see a huge spider on the wall ... whatever you do, do not move!"

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"Sweet dreams, Tim." "Mort Feldstein: Loving father and professional clown."

"Tell me a whopper."

"When the evil witch pushes the children into the oven, .... that's just a metaphor for putting them in the microwave"

"Mind you I wouldn't be telling you all this if you weren't asleep."

"Kid, I'm begging you, please stop farting."

"I'll get up in negative five minutes."

"Ready to take a deep dive into the Three Little Pigs?"

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten