Bedtime Stories Pillows

'...and then the DOW rallied six hundred points and the three bears felt like idiots...'

"Shouldn't Willis be in the bed and his imaginary monster under it?"

"I want a story that won't challenge my worldview ."

Monster fixing boy's car bed.

"The Three Wise Men followed a star...wasn't their GPS working?"

'See?! I told you!'

'And after I've tucked you in, I'll read you a nice bedtime story.'

"That's my favorite story. But tonight I'd like to hear both sides."

Mother reading 'the ugly duckling' to child, who asks 'What about botox?'

Pay attention Mom. You're making the wolf and three little pigs sound the same.

'And that's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, according to the Brothers Grimm.'

'Look - when I read you a fairy tale, don't keep saying 'Really?' '

'Is your cap on tight? We don't want any more accidents in the bed, do we?'

'Don't touch that tooth, dad. I'm expecting the tooth fairy at any moment.'

'All right. I'll get forty winks, but not one wink more.'

"There's no way we can get him ow. He's completely under the covers."

'Do you have bottled spring water?'

"I like 'Cinderella' - it's just that I feel the characters of the stepsisters are underwritten."

An woman made from an optical illusion uses her fingers to create another optical illusion on a wall for a child,

"I don't see how pulling out a piece of fruit from a pie necessarily validates Jack Horner's self-worth."

'Well, of course you don't have to be afraid of the dark, silly...just the things lurking in it!'

"Teddy can't sleep. He doesn't have any eyelids."

"Read me that story that puts you to sleep so I can play in the internet."

Ok, ok, last page.

No caption (A daughter shines a light from her cellphone as her dad makes a Twitter icon shadow puppet).

Mom! There's a monster withing six feet of me!

No stopping. I'm binge-listening.

Wake up! You're hogging all the nails again.

See, no monster under your bed

"Read me the story again about the closet monster."

"Mind you I wouldn't be telling you all this if you weren't asleep."

"When the evil witch pushes the children into the oven, .... that's just a metaphor for putting them in the microwave"

"Tell me a whopper."

"I see a huge spider on the wall ... whatever you do, do not move!"

"... and they both pretended to live happily ever after."