Bedtime Storyteller Gifts

"Trust me, son, if there was a monster under your bed I would have claimed it as a dependent by now."

"'Moby-Dick'? Again?"

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"An interesting selection, Dad, yet essentially a failure-as you can see, I'm still awake."

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'

'The kid was right! There WAS a monster under his bed!'

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

'Little girls are made of sugar and spice. Does the American Dental Association know about this?'

"...went to sleep. And then Mr. Donkey became very quiet and drowsy and he went to sleep. And then Miss Mouse became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then Mrs. Bear became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then..."

"Do you have any bedtime stories that aren't about the former Yugoslavia?"

'Ten bucks says she serves porridge again.'

Monsters under a child's bed.

'Dad, why didn't the three bears' have a home security system?'

'Give it your best shot, Dad. I've had a hard day.'

'God created Heaven and Earth and it didn't cost the taxpayers a cent?'

"Stop fact-checking my story."

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

'I came untucked.'

"I'll listen for a dollar."

'Don't worry Dad, according to you he's just my imagination.'

'Mom, Dad, I'm scared.'

'And after I've tucked you in, I'll read you a nice bedtime story.'

'... And they lived happily ever after, until she got pregnant and had a couple of brats who wouldn't go to sleep!'

"Mind if I read a little?"

"Wow, your parents let you stay up all night!"

'Night,night,sleep tight,and hope the monsters under your bed don't bite.'

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

An woman made from an optical illusion uses her fingers to create another optical illusion on a wall for a child,

'Aren't you supposed to be reading that out loud?'

'Thanks for the drink, Dad - I'd give you a tip, but I don't get enough pocket money!'

"That little piggy can't have roast beef - I'm a vegetarian!"

" 'And so the crack-whore princess and her pimp lived happily ever after. The end.' O.K., that's it. Lights out."

'And so they married and lived happily ever-after, until the bills started rolling in.'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"Before I begin, I should issue a Tigger warning."