Bedtime Storyteller Gifts

"Trust me, son, if there was a monster under your bed I would have claimed it as a dependent by now."

"'Moby-Dick'? Again?"

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"An interesting selection, Dad, yet essentially a failure-as you can see, I'm still awake."

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

'The kid was right! There WAS a monster under his bed!'

'Sleep tight - don't let the bedbugs bite!'

'Little girls are made of sugar and spice. Does the American Dental Association know about this?'

"...went to sleep. And then Mr. Donkey became very quiet and drowsy and he went to sleep. And then Miss Mouse became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then Mrs. Bear became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then..."

Monsters under a child's bed.

'Dad, why didn't the three bears' have a home security system?'

'A positive review of the book and a negative review of the presentation.'

'God created Heaven and Earth and it didn't cost the taxpayers a cent?'

'Give it your best shot, Dad. I've had a hard day.'

"Do you have any bedtime stories that aren't about the former Yugoslavia?"

'Ten bucks says she serves porridge again.'

"I'll listen for a dollar."

'Mom, Dad, I'm scared.'

'I came untucked.'

"Mind if I read a little?"

'Don't worry Dad, according to you he's just my imagination.'

'... And they lived happily ever after, until she got pregnant and had a couple of brats who wouldn't go to sleep!'

"Wow, your parents let you stay up all night!"

"Stop fact-checking my story."

'Night,night,sleep tight,and hope the monsters under your bed don't bite.'

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

'I think the Little Engine was probably worried about his performance review.'

'And after I've tucked you in, I'll read you a nice bedtime story.'

So the prince and princess lived happily ever after, but elsewhere, fighting continued.

'The chicks can't sleep...have you been telling them Colonel Sanders horror stories again?'

" 'And so the crack-whore princess and her pimp lived happily ever after. The end.' O.K., that's it. Lights out."

"Teddy can't sleep. He doesn't have any eyelids."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

The Miller's new monsters-under-the-bed access panel helped them to keep their 5-year old from jumping out of bed.'