Writing Skeptic Gifts

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

"God works in mysterious ways."

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

"Frankenstein? Isn't the story of a being made from the parts of others a little far-fetched?" "I find it very believable."

'OK, now you've seen it...'

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

Descartes's Demon

"When I die, I want to come back at anything except a book of short stories."

"I lied in my ad. I hate Wallace Stevens."

'Don't believe everything you read.'

"How can you suggest that this university's research facilities have been co-opted by the military?"

"I tried to rob a bank and failed! I tried to steal an old ladies bag and failed! So why not use as my defense, the old saying, 'You can't blame a person for trying'?"

Ponzi Schemes Inc

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

PERSONNEL, 'Your resume has everything but verisimilitude.''

"IDEOMOTOREFFECT. See! I told you."

Fairy narratives

'I'm looking for the book that tells how to be less materialistic without actually giving up any stuff!'

The Early Bird

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

Man reading a giant book.

"Well, you call them fairy tales, I call them fake news."

"We didn't learn anything today. We had to unlearn what the substitute taught us yesterday."

"So is Cameron Diaz really a babe, or is that another thing we've been led to believe by the biased media?"

"Your god can't stop his own priests from raping children in his own churches. So what makes you think he can help you find your T.V. remote?"

'That 'Jonah' story sounded FISHY to me!'

'Trust Me, I am an Estate Agent.'

'Why is it that if someone tells you there are one billion billion stars in our universe alone, you believe them, but if they tell you a door has wet paint, you touch it to make sure!'