Poetry Skeptic Gifts

"I lied in my ad. I hate Wallace Stevens."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

"God works in mysterious ways."

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

Cupid misses his shot.

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

Olden Day Battle of the Bands (Bard vs Sonnet).

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

Yes, but.

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

"It's from a girl in my class. Should I be thinking about a prenup?"

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"Frankenstein? Isn't the story of a being made from the parts of others a little far-fetched?" "I find it very believable."

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

'No wonder the divorce rate is so high!'

"I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me."

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

Second Thoughts Wedding

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

'And don't say you could have done it cheaper and better at home.'

"And you're telling me this because?"

'It's bad enough I get overrules at home... why here also, Sharon?'

"He's falsified data, he's falsified results...and now he says he loves me."

'I don't know, Randy - Marriage is so INTRUSIVE.'