Poetry Skeptic Pillows

"I lied in my ad. I hate Wallace Stevens."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

"God works in mysterious ways."

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

Cupid misses his shot.

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

Olden Day Battle of the Bands (Bard vs Sonnet).

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

Yes, but.

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

"Frankenstein? Isn't the story of a being made from the parts of others a little far-fetched?" "I find it very believable."

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

"I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me."

'No wonder the divorce rate is so high!'

'And don't say you could have done it cheaper and better at home.'

'It's bad enough I get overrules at home... why here also, Sharon?'

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

"And you're telling me this because?"

Second Thoughts Wedding

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

"He's falsified data, he's falsified results...and now he says he loves me."

'I don't know, Randy - Marriage is so INTRUSIVE.'