Literary Skepticism Gifts

"Frankenstein? Isn't the story of a being made from the parts of others a little far-fetched?" "I find it very believable."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"His exercise wheel has lost all its fascination sinces he started reading Hemingway."

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

"God works in mysterious ways."

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

'Studies show that most boys my age don't like to read. Who am I to tamper with statistics?'

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

'Why is there a 'Like' button but no 'Despise' button?'

"When I die, I want to come back at anything except a book of short stories."

Stupid medicine - Shake Well Before Using.

"What do the know!"

'Of course the scientists have got this all wrong about climate change.'

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

"'Take that,' growled the writer as the buyer for Borders slumped to the ..."

"I lied in my ad. I hate Wallace Stevens."

"I can see you drew heavily from your own bad writing."

"How can you suggest that this university's research facilities have been co-opted by the military?"

'I'm looking for the book that tells how to be less materialistic without actually giving up any stuff!'

Fairy narratives

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

The Early Bird

"I tried to rob a bank and failed! I tried to steal an old ladies bag and failed! So why not use as my defense, the old saying, 'You can't blame a person for trying'?"

Foreign Policy Mysteries Revealed!

We never went to the moon. The Youtube evidence is conclusive. Not the Van Allen thing again." "Van Allen." It is absolutely impossible for human beings to traverse the Van Allen radiation belt. Explain how the Apollo astronauts passed through that radiation belt without either dying or hulking out. They were exposed to a cat-scan's worth of radiation. It was supposed to be a rhetorical question.

"Ooh, get the quantum theorist hiding behind that tree."

'Your story is extremely sexist, dubious and dumb, the characters are one-dimensional and primitive. In other words - you wrote a bestseller, mister!'

Man reading a giant book.

"Science fiction? Boring! It's always about gravity and blue skies and two-legged aliens. I prefer non-fiction."

'That 'Jonah' story sounded FISHY to me!'

"Well, you call them fairy tales, I call them fake news."

'Our panel consists of the noted psychologist L.V. Trinnell, author and critic Helene V. Nogorski, and professor R Travers Wilcox.'

Actually, calling me one-dimensional isn't much of an insult