Book Skeptics Gifts

'Studies show that most boys my age don't like to read. Who am I to tamper with statistics?'

I can't tell if I like this book or not - I'm only reading the top three lines of each page.

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

"God works in mysterious ways."

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

Look! This says that space aliens have landed and have taken over control of the earth. Boy that's a load off my mind!

"Frankenstein? Isn't the story of a being made from the parts of others a little far-fetched?" "I find it very believable."

'Never, Ever...believe everything you read.'

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

"What do the know!"

"I lied in my ad. I hate Wallace Stevens."

"Please, no more movies about feelings."

Studies show some foods work miracles/study says studies are a crock.

"How can you suggest that this university's research facilities have been co-opted by the military?"

'I'm looking for the book that tells how to be less materialistic without actually giving up any stuff!'

'Who cares where Waldo is?'

The Early Bird

How to manage stress...

"Enough with the hard-luck stories about spanking and cursive and appointment television, Dad."

'Baldo, being on TV requires talent.'

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

"Like many Americans, I allowed myself to believe the mainstream media’s distorted, dystopian portrait of President Trump. I no longer hold this belief..."

"Label says it's organic. That just means it's made in the State of Organ."

Bookshop: new in.

'The number of people who, like me, don't trust the media anymore is steadily rising...'

Agnostics Society: Absolute worst place to ask for directions.

"Thank You For Not Mentioning Dr. Oz."

'You know, I'm really tired of reading news stories -- Let's just chat at random for awhile, okay?'

'You'll find this ideal for brushing the dust off that set of encyclopaedias I sold you last week.'

Diogenes has lowered his target from finding an honest man --- Now he just looks for a reality show that doesn't feel scripted.

'He wouldn't stop telling me his whole boring life story. I finally had to end it.'

"We've got it, Mr. Trump - a serum that not only protects from the flu but gives the person a reason to distrust the press."

"Ugh, not this again. I've been avoiding it like the plague."