Book Skeptics Gifts

'Studies show that most boys my age don't like to read. Who am I to tamper with statistics?'

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

"God works in mysterious ways."

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

"Frankenstein? Isn't the story of a being made from the parts of others a little far-fetched?" "I find it very believable."

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

'Never, Ever...believe everything you read.'

"Please, no more movies about feelings."

"I lied in my ad. I hate Wallace Stevens."

"What do the know!"

Studies show some foods work miracles/study says studies are a crock.

'I'm looking for the book that tells how to be less materialistic without actually giving up any stuff!'

"How can you suggest that this university's research facilities have been co-opted by the military?"

The Early Bird

'Who cares where Waldo is?'

How to manage stress...

"Enough with the hard-luck stories about spanking and cursive and appointment television, Dad."

'Baldo, being on TV requires talent.'

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

"Like many Americans, I allowed myself to believe the mainstream media’s distorted, dystopian portrait of President Trump. I no longer hold this belief..."

"Label says it's organic. That just means it's made in the State of Organ."

Bookshop: new in.

'The number of people who, like me, don't trust the media anymore is steadily rising...'

Agnostics Society: Absolute worst place to ask for directions.

"Thank You For Not Mentioning Dr. Oz."

'You know, I'm really tired of reading news stories -- Let's just chat at random for awhile, okay?'

'You'll find this ideal for brushing the dust off that set of encyclopaedias I sold you last week.'

'He wouldn't stop telling me his whole boring life story. I finally had to end it.'

"We've got it, Mr. Trump - a serum that not only protects from the flu but gives the person a reason to distrust the press."

"Ugh, not this again. I've been avoiding it like the plague."

"And the prince and princess lived happily ever after."