Kindle Skeptic Gifts

"Well did he?"

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

'Well, there's another strikeout. ... get that bat company on the phone. I'm having second thoughts about their so-called 'volume discount.''

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

Cupid's Valentine

'Studies show that most boys my age don't like to read. Who am I to tamper with statistics?'

"And they lived happily ever-after? Well, maybe you should find out who their financial advisor is."

"It would never work out- we're from two totally different tiers of the upper middle class."

'Never, Ever...believe everything you read.'

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

'I've got SO much on my plate right now, Steve - Ask me again when I'm fifty.'

"When I die, I want to come back at anything except a book of short stories."

Studies show some foods work miracles/study says studies are a crock.

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

CLINIC, 'Are you worried about passing your blood test?', 'Heck, no -- anybody can BLEED.'

'Does that include the fishing rod?'

'I'm looking for the book that tells how to be less materialistic without actually giving up any stuff!'

"I'm binge ignoring everything you're binge watching."

"If I can't be honest with you, Cheryl, who can I pretend to be honest with?"

Man reading a giant book.

"Well, you call them fairy tales, I call them fake news."

'What do WE need a love seat for?'

"Hey, what do you say we just skip Valentine's Day this year?"

'That 'Jonah' story sounded FISHY to me!'

Bookshop: new in.

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

"Hmmm, not sure I trust that kale."

'Why is it that if someone tells you there are one billion billion stars in our universe alone, you believe them, but if they tell you a door has wet paint, you touch it to make sure!'

Political Journalism