Story Skeptics Pillows

'He wouldn't stop telling me his whole boring life story. I finally had to end it.'

"Enough with the hard-luck stories about spanking and cursive and appointment television, Dad."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"Well did he?"

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

'Studies show that most boys my age don't like to read. Who am I to tamper with statistics?'

'....happily ever after...AFTER what?'

"It's actually called 'snow white, the seven dwarfs and the damned biting watchdog.' But of course they don't tell us about that ."

"And they lived happily ever-after? Well, maybe you should find out who their financial advisor is."

'Where are all these people who lived happily ever after?'

"When I die, I want to come back at anything except a book of short stories."

"I hope they're not fake commandments!"

'Why don't you change it to sports or cartoons or something? -- You know CNN just depresses you.'

"Please, no more movies about feelings."

'Come on, dad...why would anyone follow a witch into a gingerbread house? It clearly wasn't built to code.'

Male Mid-Life Myth--The Hair Fairy

"I tried to rob a bank and failed! I tried to steal an old ladies bag and failed! So why not use as my defense, the old saying, 'You can't blame a person for trying'?"

'I'm looking for the book that tells how to be less materialistic without actually giving up any stuff!'

"You will let me know if I'm boring you with my little stories, won't you dear?"

Fairy narratives

'Forty years is as much 'Happily Ever After' as I can tolerate.'

'Baldo, being on TV requires talent.'

The Early Bird

Man reading a giant book.

'HOLD ON! You're telling me that out of the whole population, in an entire kingdom, this glass slipper fitted just ONE person?!'